Vernita gray biography

Vernita Gray was battling terminal cancer when she agreed to be part of a lawsuit last year that led to same-sex couples being able to marry earlier than Illinois’ new law permitted. The effort was just one more testament to Gray’s life work as a pioneer of women’s and gay rights, her friends said Wednesday.

Gray, 65, died Tuesday night surrounded by loved ones at her Edgewater Beach home after a long battle with cancer, said her wife, Patricia Ewert.

“To lose her is like losing a master statesperson, somebody who is there to make sure things got done,” Ewert said, adding: “I’m brokenhearted. She was my world.”

Gray and Ewert were married last year after the couple filed a lawsuit in U.S. District Court arguing that, because of Gray’s declining health, they should be granted the right to marry immediately, months before the effective date of the state law legalizing gay marriage. The couple had been together five years, meeting after Ewert met Gray’s boss at a foundation luncheon and suggested the two connect.

A federal judged agreed with the couple’s request, and they held their marriage ceremony — the first for same-sex couples in Illinois — in their home on Nov. 27. During the wedding a friend sang “At Last,” popularized by Etta James.

Born in 1948 in Chicago, Gray spent a large portion of her life as an advocate and activist.

In the 1970s she opened her one-bedroom apartment to gay and transgender teens who had been kicked out by families, and she also started a hotline for gays and lesbians, said Mary Morten, a longtime friend and fellow activist.

In 1993 she was a plaintiff in a lawsuit that opened up the annual Bud Billiken Parade to gay and lesbian participants, said Jim Bennett, a director for Lambda Legal, which handled the case.

For almost two decades she worked as a witness assistant in the Cook County state’s attorney’s office, helping LGBT crime survivors and working as an outreach worker on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues, Morten said.

“She’s been doing this work for a long time, way before it was fashionable or popular,” Morten said.

Last year, the suit that allowed the two to marry made headlines and allowed all same-sex couples who face terminal illness to be married immediately. It also paved the way for a federal ruling issued in February that allowed all gay couples in Cook County to receive marriage licenses before the June 1 effective date of the law.

Gray’s involvement in the lawsuit is yet another demonstration of her commitment to gay rights, friends said.

“She put herself out there in a very public sense,” Morten said. “She had to talk about her health in ways she’d never done. For her to say yes, I’ll be the example, the first, the case that makes this happen sooner — that was a testament to her unselfishness.”

Gray’s death prompted statements Wednesday from Mayor Rahm Emanuel, who called her a “fearless woman who spent her life fighting for equality,” and from Gov. Pat Quinn, who said “she fought for what she believed in and made a difference for people across Illinois.”

Gray was a frequent visitor to President Barack Obama’s White House, most recently at a holiday party, Morten said. Obama knew Gray through her work in LGBT rights advocacy. She campaigned for Obama in 2008 and attended an inaugural ball, Morten said.

The way Gray spoke about issues with humor and persistence made her an unstoppable force, Bennett said.

“She would work very hard from the inside to get people to be more inclusive, more diverse and push harder,” Bennett said. “She wanted change to happen fast.”

Gray earned a degree at Columbia College and, as a writer and poet, published a book early in her career that included her poetry, her friends said. Before marrying Ewert she had several long-term relationships, including one in which she helped raise two children, friends said.

Loved ones also knew her as a jokester who enjoyed celebrating life’s winning moments with Champagne or a cocktail, and who continued to make jokes and tease friends even while in hospice care.

“We toasted a lot of successes and victories, and we’re going to continue toasting to her memory,” Morten said.

Services are planned for March 31 in the Goodman Theatre.

mmanchir@tribune.com Twitter @TribuneMM

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